{I'd rather you tell me like it is.......}

"Oooohhhh, My goodness!  He is so ............................ big."

The other day I had my first hurtful, harsh realization of what the future holds.  I no harm was intended.  It was a bit awkward.  I totally get and understand the moment.   But it made my heart hurt. 

Finn was looking a little bit homely and very ds, which is what he has; down syndrome.  An acquaintance who was passing by stopped to see our new son.  "Oh, My goodness"  she said.  "He is (as she's moving in for a closer look ) so ......... (gets down right at his level in his swing and is face to face and pauses for two seconds-two seconds of which I knew she was searching for the right word to say) .......Big!"  I know she was going to say cute.  But when she saw him, she was thrown off.  She did recover nicely and we had a nice visit.

When she left I was stricken with emotion.  Even the nicest of people mean well, but sometimes I'd rather you just tell me like it is.  Tell me what you think I don't want to hear.  Because the things I don't necessarily want to hear are probably the truth.  And I'm okay with the truth.  Unless you're a stranger or some jerk that just blatantly wants to make fun of my kid, I know I can handle the truth more than I can handle the sugarcoated lie.  Although it may feel awkward, your honesty would only make me more at ease and our conversation more comfortable.  I realized that it is acquaintances and friends that I would prefer to tell me how it is, because you are my normal.  And if you can't keep me normal, who can.  I don't expect a stranger to be normal, they can sugarcoat the lie.  It is acknowledging and keeping it real that allows me to be normal.

I'd rather you say, "Oooohhhhh, My goodness!  He is looking very ds today, isn't he; but he is still so cute."  Or just say, "What a sweetheart" or "What a sweet little guy".  Or don't say anything.  A nice warm heart felt smile in his or my direction will do.  It will tell me that you don't know what to say, or that you don't want to say the wrong thing.

As a mother, it is sad to know that because my son looks different he will be judged by others, or others will be made uncomfortable because they don't know what to say or how to act.  He has down syndrome.  He looks different.  He'll act different.  There's no changing that.  It's reality.  It is sad.  But he is mine.  And I love him.

These two pictures were taken a few seconds apart.  It is crazy how in almost every picture I take of Finn he looks so different in each picture.  To me, these two pictures show a very ds looking Finn, and the other shows a very normal looking Finn.  It's crazy how different he can look.

No matter how he looks, to me he will always be cute in own little down syndrome way.  I may be a little biased, but he is the cutest down syndrome boy I've ever seen!