I knew this day would come. Reality. It has come. It came the other night, but hit hard the next morning.
I've been noticing that Finn's core strength is not strong and that his head control is not that of a typical child. Seeing other babies his age holding their heads up is what did me in. The first milestone that he should be hitting, he's not. I didn't think it would be a big deal or effect me like it is. But it is.
I guess the Natural Man, or my pride, is getting to me; making me sad. Sad for me or sad for him? I thought it was for him. But after much thought I guess it's more sad for me. As a mother, you want the best for your child, and knowing that he is/will be delayed is a hard pill to swallow. I had my moment. Albeit lasted all day and all night. The waterworks were turned on and they just kept running. After seeking words of encouragement from other mothers who have been down this road, I have come to the conclusion that one of the many reasons Finn was sent to our family- to Me, is so that I can 1. Learn patience and 2. Slow down and enjoy the little things.
I've told Kurt that I ran out of patience about 3 kids ago. My patience level is about non existent. Because I will have no choice, patience is something that I will have to reinstate as Finn develops. A characteristic that will be good for my being. As Finn does hit those milestones, because it will take him that much longer to do, it will be those little things that he does that will bring us joy. It will be important that I learn to appreciate the things that he can do and not dwell on the things that he can't do. He is his own person, and I owe it to him to celebrate him and his milestones; not the milestones of others.
While it is hard, I KNOW that in time, Finn's time, he will hold his head up. And that is nothing to be sad about.
3 comments:
Oh Kanani, I just want you to know I think you are one of the sweetest, most wonderful mothers I've ever seen. All of us lose our patience. This didn't happen to you or to Finn so you could learn something. It just happens because we live in a mortal world, and Heavenly Father allows us to experience what real mortality is like. In a mortal world, we all learn things, including patience. It is natural to grieve, of course you want what is best for Finn. It is healthy to cry and to feel and you should never stop yourself from doing so when you need to. Finn is part of your family not because of his DS, but because he is Finn and he is yours. His being delayed in holding his head up is so hard. It is hard to see someone you love have to work harder at things that come so natural to others. I love your Finn. He is a beautiful baby and I wish I could hold him. I'll say a prayer that he will get some muscles in him to help him with his head holding. In the meantime, please call/E-mail me if you ever want someone to vent to. I can empathize with your feelings in many ways as my brother who is 28 has severe developmental delay, but regardless, we are the best of friends. There are some things, like love that even the mortal world cannot break apart. I love you and I love Finn and I love to read about him. Keep going! One day at a time. My contact info. is: aliciawalters99@gmail.com and cell: 1-509-572-0296. Seriously, I'm sure you have closer family/friends, but if you ever want an objective, listening ear, I'd be happy to be there for you. :-) Much love and hugs to you and your adorable family. Keep writing!
He is one dapper little boy! Hang in there! Live Michie
I meant love Michie
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