Airports

Here's the thing about airports-when you arrive early, everything goes smooth. Check in lines seems to flow. Getting through security is a breeze. Manuvering through the human sized x-ray machine, piece of cake.

But when you're pressed for time-FORGET ABOUT IT! You can throw all the easy, breezy stuff out the window.

Here was my experience traveling home from Cali.

We were running late getting to the airport. Ok, so maybe we didn't need to make that stop to In-N-Out Burger.... They were to start boarding our plane at 7:40. We didn't get to the airport until 7:20. We weren't panicked because the Long Beach airport is really small, and it's almost never "overcrowded" with people. We had checked in online, but the zipper on my suitcase broke, so I had to make a trip to the store to buy some luggage. When I checked in online, I only had one bag. Now that I had new luggage, I now had an additional 2 pieces to check, so we had to stand in the checkout line. Which wasn't very long, BUT we got stuck behind these 2 guys, who had a boatload of luggage to check in along with what looked like a 2 month old pug that was all decked out out in pink. The lady clerks behind the desk were all goo-goo-ga-ga over the little creature, and were talking dog talk instead of doing their job. Before you knew it, they had to go get the other clerks to come see just how cute this little puppy was. Ok, the dog was cute but ALRIGHT ALREADY! I've got a plane to catch. Finally the 2 guys got their cute little pug off the counter and they were on their way. We got our luggage checked in no problem, even the suitcase that was chuck full of frozen eggrolls.

After we got our luggage checked in we proceeded to the security line. Helena had to goto the bathroom so I got in line. It wasn't very long, but the guy who checks your license along with your boarding pass took his job very seriously. He actually checked and then rechecked. He was so s-l-o-w. He would check off every little check off point on your boarding pass. Your name, your destination, your gate, as well as checking your license name, number, birthdate.....and of course there's always the discussion of "How do you say your name? Where is it from?" Since Helena went to the bathroom I ended up at the front of the line and she at the back. Well, when the guy checked my boarding pass, appearantly I had Helena's and she had mine. So I had to go find her in the line bring her to the front of the line and he had to recheck everything. Once again a s-l-o-w process. I guess kudos to him for actually doing his job to the fullest.

After getting pass Mr. McSlow, we had to go through the x-ray portion of security. We took off our shoes, etc. etc.....Helena made it through fine. When I went through, I had on my belt which I didn't take off because it was questionable, and I thought I might could make it through. But the alarm went off. So the guy held up the line so I could remove my belt and go through again. I went through and the alarm sounded again. Once again the guy held up the line so he could call a female to come do a "hand" security check. It took a couple of minutes for a female to come, and this guy stood there with his hand out not allowing anyone to go through the x-ray machine. Now the line was really getting backed up. I'm like, "I can stand over here and wait so you can let people through." In a stern voice with his hand still out stopping the line he says, "Ma'am just stand right there with your arms out." He was all serious like he really thought I could have something on me. So I stood there and a female finally came. I felt bad holding up the line.

This female security lady made me sit down as she gave me a 30 second spill about what was about to happen. And she says, "Ma'am can you see your things?" Meaning my belongings that I put in the plastic bin to go through x-raying. I couldn't see them, as there were a bunch of bins piled up do to me holding up the line. We waited a minute until people started getting their things and putting their bins away. She says again, "Ma'am can you see your things now?" No, yes, I think that's mine, wait nope that's not it." Keep in mind she wouldn't let me up to actually see my stuff. I had to sit on the chair. Finally Helena went and got my stuff so I could see it. Then she proceeded and had me stand up. She got her little detector wand out and started waving it. It went off when it scanned one of my pockets.
"Ma'am is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am?"
"No. I have snaps on my pockets."
"Can you turn your pocket inside out?"
I do and she is satisfied. She moves on and scans me across the front button of my pants and her detector goes off. She says,
"Ma'am is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am?"
"No, there is a snap where I do my pants up."
"Can you turn the front of your pants down?" Ya, sure whatever, just get on with it. It was somewhat embarrasing as I am trying to hide my undergarments and she is pulling up on my shirt and down on my pants to rescan the area.
"Ma'am I am going to have to use my the backside of my hand to check this area for any items. Is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am?"
"No."
Finally she is satisfied with that spot and moves on. Her scanner goes off when she gets to my other front pocket.
"Ma'am is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am?
"No, this pocket has a snap too."
"Ma'am could you turn your pocket inside out."
I do and she is satisfied.
She continues onto my backside. She scans my back pocket and her scanner goes off. You've got to be kidding me. Could I have worn any worse pants than the ones that I had on!
"I have snaps on my back pockets too." She doesn't care.
"Ma'am is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am."
"No."
"Ma'am could you turn your pocket inside out."
I do and she is satisfied. By this time I am getting really anxious and really ready t0 get out of there. But of course that wouldn't be happening anytime soon. She moves onto my other back pocket and of course her scanner goes off. By this time I start to get a little smart alleky with her.
"Ma'am is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am."
"Yeah, how about 10 pounds off my butt? NO, there is not anything I would like to remove."
"Ma'am could you turn your pocket inside out."
I do and she is satisfied. So she moves on to my upper body. And would you know it the scanner goes off just under each of my shoulder blades. What the heck???????
Appearantly the scanner picked up on the 2 metal hooks from my bra. And of course the lady asks,
"Ma'am, is there anything you would like to remove Ma'am?
"No." She pats me down and says,
"Ok, you can go now Ma'am."
Thank goodness because I was ready punch her in the face.

With all the mishaps, we were a little late, but we made it to our gate and caught our plane. I'm telling you, it's Murphy's Law, when your pressed for time, anything and everything will happen.