Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Ever heard the saying....

{If you want somebody else to change, then first change yourself.}

While many full heartily believe in this statement, I beg to differ. Maybe it's the pessimist in me, but this statement drives me crazy.

What it should read is: If you want to create harmony, then change yourself to tolerate that other person. Or in other words, put up with their crap and by doing so you will enable them to keep on doing what they're doing. Thus creating harmony because you are "tolerating" them.

That's how I see it.

My husband on the other hand..........he's more of an optimist. Sees the glass half full kinda guy. He believes in this statement. He sees it in a spiritual sense, and sees a greater picture.

I just don't see how changing yourself would change another person. Yes, one's example can do wonders. BUT it is up to the other person to have the desire to want to make a change.

One of my Facebook Friend's (Megan) posted this as her status line yesterday, "When somebody says you've changed, it's only because you stopped living life their way."

I LOVE this quote.

For me what these quotes boil down to is this: Don't try to change other people. Don't try to make them conform to your ways. (Unless it's your own kids.) It's not your job. BUT do try to set a good example, and yes, tolerate them to bring harmony into your relationship. But don't expect them to change. The nice thing is, you get to choose with whom you do and don't want to associate with.


Alicia said...

That's a fun post to read. I think that statement is too general, in general. Ha. It depends on the situation. I think it's intended to say the idea of he who is without sin cast the first stone. But what if the situation isn't like that? What if you love someone, and because you love them, rather than enable them in their self-destructive behavior, you encourage them to change for the better? I think wanting someone to change can be an appropriate thing to want. I think one only crosses the line when they impose what she wants on others. I think you can encourage and uplift someone, but you can't belittle them or shame them into making a change. My husband wants me to work out. He thinks I'd feel better, which I would. He is right. I should work out. However, I never do. He has never been mean or insensitive about it. He has always just said, "you know you are invited every morning when I jog." And he does. Every morning for 25 minutes, he jogs and then lifts weights after. And he just invites me. So I feel no pressure or force or belittlement. And still...I never join him. I don't want to work out. But kinda, I do. I wish I did, but didn't have to..that sort of thing. It sound so stupid. But at the very least, I will NEVER say that 1) my husband tried to force me to work out or 2) my husband didn't give me enough encouragement or 3) my husband enabled me to not work out (because by inviting me, that's not enabling me, right?) Anyway, sorry if this got too personal! What do you think about it?

khepworth said...

I had a good reply, but I deleted it on accident......gahhhh!

Basically the point I argue is that just because your husband wants you to work out and so he starts working out and kindly offers you to join him, doesn't mean that you will.

So what's the point of the saying?

khepworth said...

By the way, you might feel better about yourself, but you deserve a break while you're growing a kid :)

Alicia said...

Thanks. :-) I do deserve a break. But now that's it's getting warmer, I think I'll start by just going for walks outside with Gloria.

Megan B ♥ said...

Hey! That's me!! I am TOTALLY FAMOUS now and I love it! See you in about 10 minutes, k?


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